I Think I'm Going Crazy.

Since I've been pregnant, my anxiety levels have definitely increased. I've always been a worrier and dealt with anxiety issues, but lately I feel like I might be going crazy.

Last night, for instance, the tornado watch that pretty much covered the entire state made me a nervous wreck. I was convinced I was going to die in a tornado while Andy was at the film festival. I googled "chances of dying in a tornado" to determine my odds and I also packed a survival bag just in case the house collapsed around me and I needed to survive under the stairs until I was rescued. I had a flashlight, water, food, extra clothes, Torii's food...seriously RIDICULOUS right?! But I can't help it.

Then we have the case of the shady African American men who come and go at all hours of the night to a house down the street. Because visitor parking is diagonal from my house, I can see everyone who parks if I am sitting in bed. Since I'm usually in bed watching tv or reading, I have taken it upon myself to form a 1 woman neighborhood watch. I've been watching the 2 cars, where the men go, and how long they stay at this house. We've actually called the police on one of these men before for sitting in his car for over an hour in guest parking. I refuse to have my nice town home community ruined by druggies and idiots. So next week Andy and I are calling the police and informing them of the questionable activity we have seen at this particular place and giving them the license plate numbers of the men we see there often. I have seen cops in front of this house before...so I'm sure something is up there! It just SUCKS not feeling safe in your own house. I won't go outside at night with Torii anymore because these guys just creep me out!

I also constantly freak out about dying in a car crash. I think about it constantly. I also worry that Andy will die in a car accident. If I don't hear from him and he is supposed to be home, I have to call him and find out where he is. If he is on his way home, I'll ask him his exact location, determine how long it will take him to arrive, then if he isn't home in that time frame I start freaking out and calling him. When he doesn't answer (because he is on the other line) I come very close to having actual panic attacks. It is horrible.

It is definitely not fun to live life like this. I have a very big need to be in control of all situations, and when I'm not, I panic. I still am not ready to fly on planes again after my last experience flying to IL. I'm considering speaking to a professional about it, because I can see my worrying increasing once Isla is born unless I get it under control now. We'll see. I do wonder how this all started, and how I could go from being a carefree kid, to an obsessive worrying adult.