Gramps

As I mentioned before, my Grandpa was moved against his will to a nursing home in Wisconsin. Saying he is unhappy there is an understatement. Every time I talk to him (which isn't often because it breaks my heart) he sounds so depressed, lifeless, and confused. He now understands that this situation is permanent, and is pretty much furious with my Mom and Aunt for making him stay there. Nothing can cheer him up. I've tried. His mental state is declining rapidly. Last week he told me he broke his ankle by jumping out of a plane. Yesterday when I asked again (I ask him every time I talk to him to see what he'll say...) he said he was on either a bus or a train, he was real sweaty, and then "somehow or another" he fell.

I was hoping he'd adjust quickly and become happy with his new home. Well, maybe not happy, but at least content. Grandma Bunny adjusted pretty quickly to her assisted living, and eventually forgot she had ever lived in her condo. So far, even despite his memory, he still remembers his old place and refuses to like his new one.

I try to talk to him at least once a week, and see him at least once or twice a month. I know this doesn't seem like much, and it makes me guilty thinking about how much more time I spent with Grandma Bunny. I just hate having to see people I love getting worse and worse by the day. It's easier to distance myself in preparation for his death. I know this is probably selfish though. I dunno. It's easier not to deal with. But then I feel guilty. It's a vicious cycle. I don't know how Tom and Abb go without talking to him. Neither of them EVER call him. I'm pretty sure they haven't seen or spoken to him in at least 8-9 months. Actually, for Tom it's more like over a year. I always remind them to call or write letters but they don't. I wish I could understand how they can just detach themselves from the situation and pretend it doesn't exist. I couldn't do that. Maybe it's because I'm the oldest and I've always felt like it's my responsibility to take care of everyone. Anyway, I think it's pretty horrible to admit that I hope he starts letting go and passes away sooner than later. I dont' think anyone should spend their last days (months...) miserable and depressed. I know he'll be much happier when he is reunited with his wife, my Grandma Bern, who passed away 13 years ago.

Here's to remembering the better days...

Tom, Gramps, Me, and Abb at my Mom's Wedding August, 2006.

Dancing with Gramps!

Listening to Grandpa play the organ. One of his favorite hobbies at his old place.

Oh man, now I want brown hair again!!