Before I go into my story, I feel it is necessary to give some background information so I don't get lots of mean comments from people who don't understand my situation. My brother, sister, and I haven't lived with my mom in over 15 years, she only calls around holidays, she never made/makes trips to IL to see us unless we were graduating high school (yet she expects us to come visit her more), and she tells me things like "we should get together more often for lunch" and then just last weekend I run into her at Target, in the city I live in (she lives an hour away) and she NEVER called to tell me she'd be up here. Ohhhh, and once she was in WINONA, the city I went to college, and never called me to tell me she was there!! My dad who was visiting for the weekend happened to run into her. When she found out my brother and sister were also in town visiting me, she decided she NEEDED to see us and rushed right over, however if it had only been me I can guarantee she wouldn't have done a damn thing. My dad told me tonight "Out of everyone, your mom liked you and I the least." Totally true. I appreciated his honesty. My mom has also admitted to me that she never really wanted to have kids and knew she wouldn't make a good mom.
Okay, sorry! That background info totally turned into it's own mini post. Moving on to what I really want to say.
The holidays are frustrating for me because my family is in IL and I miss then dearly. Thankfully they are going to be making a trip up here, but at different times. Tom will be coming this Thursday and staying until Christmas Eve, Abb will be coming Monday the 26 and staying until Thursday the 29th, and my dad will be coming Tuesday the 27 and leaving the 29th as well. Already craziness. This makes it very difficutlt to squeeze in the maditory mom time. So my mom is having people over at her house Christmas Eve for lunch, which my brother and I are unwillingly attending. Since she has a new family (fiance who she's known for 7 months, his 2 sons, and his parents) she is trying to act all motherly and pretending to be close to her children, which is such a joke. Like I said it's an hour drive, so I'm not looking forward to it, but I will make the best of the situation because it is Christmas, so I'll do it for Jesus.
A while back she informed me that she would be picking up my Gramps, who lives near me, and taking him to her home and he'd be spending the night. Today the Gramps called and informed me that my mom told him I'D be picking him up and taking him home Christmas Eve. I love my Gramps so I am willing to do this, but it's a bitch move on my moms part forsure. Now I've got an extra hour of driving built into my trip. So I told my mom when Abb comes on Monday, I am not driving down there again.
Yesterday I get an email from my mom saying that Monday we will be meeting at 5 at a restaraunt in Bay City (where she lives). I email her back and ask if we can meet at a central restaurant because she knew I wasn't going to make the trip down there again, and it would be silly to drive all the way down there JUST TO GO TO A RESTAURANT! She emailed me back and said NO. Is that not crazy?!?!? What difference does it make where we go to eat?! Can't she be a little understanding and compromise here?! In the email I also told her if we couldn't meet someplace in the middle then I'd prefer not to go with. So guess what she is doing?! She is driving an hour up here, picking Abb up, taking her back to Bay City, and then bringing her back here later on that night. INSANE. CRAZY. RIDICULOUS. That's 4 hours of driving for her.
I have yet to email her back and ask specifically WHY we can't just meet somewhere halfway because I am too furious to be polite. I want to bitch slap her and boycott her stupid Christmas gathering all together. Her emails to me are borderline rude and she always make some reference about "her children choosing to be with their father on Christmas instead of with her." AHHHH yeah. She is the one who left, she is the one who admitted she wasn't a good mom. She is the one who never calls and doesn't support us at all. She is the one who doesn't make any effort at all to see us.
As you can see my mom and I don't get along. We really never have, and I am pretty sure we never will. The crazy thing is, if my sister talks to my mom about changing restaurants, I'm sure she'd have no problem doing it, but with me, she refuses. My sister doesn't like to call my mom though (stictly out of principle because my mom never calls her), so I'm the one who typically makes all the plans and deals with the biyatch we have to call mom.
So I need to know, am I the one being irrational here? I understand it's Christmas and I should just suck it up and go down there again....but I just don't feel it's necessary to drive that far to go OUT TO EAT. I'd really appreciate your advice or comments on the situation. Often times I am blinded by my pure hatred for my mom, so if I'm being ridiculous please let me know.
Thank goodness I have my dad....the most amazing person in the whole entire world. Without him, I can guarantee Tom, Abby, and I would be messed up unhappy people. My dad keeps us safe, encourages us daily to be the best we can be, and loves us more than I ever thought one person could love another. Thanks for everything you do Dad...I love you tons and I'd be lost without you! (I found out today my dad reads my blog, so I had to recognize what an awesome dad he is!!! Now let's keep our fingers crossed my mom doesn't stumble across this!)
Goodness that took a lot out of me...I'm off to bed :)
7 years ago
6 comments:
My favorite part of this little bitch fest is the part about doing it for Jesus. It is what Jesus would do. I do agree with you though- it is reasonable to ask her to make a little effort and drive half way- unless she wants to show Abb her new home, hubby-to-be, step-kids-to-be, ect. Good luck!
Good point! I did forget to add that Abb has been to her house, met the fiance, and her fiance and the kids will be joining us for dinner at the restaurant anyway.
Bets you are a far better person that I think I would be in this situation. I think its so big of you that you make all the plans and actually try to have a relationship with someone who is so crazy. I think you going down with Tom--and bring your Gramps--is enough effort. I absolutely think you guys could meet half way for dinner.
The fact that she is willing to come and pick up Abb and take her back surely shows that she is being ridiculous. She could come for dinner where you live just as easily.
You are a great person--because of your dad and the rest of the people in your life who care about you. We all know that you are wonderful, thoughtful, funny, and well-meaning. You should feel proud of all the efforts you make for you mom and for other people.
Whatever decision you make, it will be the right one.
Wow, I don't really know if I can say anything that Angela didn't already say, so I'll just take my queue from Patrick Swayze and say "ditto" to Angela's comment. ;)
I'm confused. Why would your mom refuse to drive a half hour to meet you at a closer location, yet offer to drive FOUR HOURS to pick up Abb? You're a much better person than I am. I would have emailed her and refused to go to anything, even if that meant your grandpa not being able to go. Or, I would just go and act like a complete bitch. But as I said before, you're a much better person.
She is doing it just to piss me off...it's amazing. I totally have thought about just not going on Christmas Eve, but I don't want to drag my brother and Gramps into this whole mess and I want some presents :)
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