Stuck in a Rut

I am getting old. I haven't even hit 24 yet but I feel like I'm pushing 30.

Last night after Anna and I saw the movie The Perfect Man (which I had actually not planned on admitting to anyone and definitely do not recommend), I felt like going out but I had no one to go out with or nothing to do! Anna was tired and went home, so I called the only person I figured would be out...my brother Tom. I actually ended up doing a severe budge, inviting myself out to the bar with him and his girlfriend...something I typically would never do, but I was VERY desperate to go out and get a drink or something!! The crazy thing is, I didn't even want a drink, but hitting the bar was really my only option at midnight on a Friday night.

I stayed at the bar for about an hour and a half, chatted with people I didn't know at all (which is highly unusual for me to do), had a couple of drinks, and then came home...nothing amazing. When I got home I reeked of smoke and felt kind of nauseas from the drinks. Not drunk or buzzed at all, just kinda gross. I realized that I reallllllly do not enjoy drinking anymore. I completely regretted having those 2 drinks. I just never feel good after drinking anymore. I used to LOVE going out and drinking until I was good and drunk...now the thought of that makes me cringe. The last two times I've gone out and had more than 2 drinks (actually both times I had 3 drinks) I got sick the next morning and I was a useless waste of a person all day.

I just hate being stuck in this phase of my life. I'm too old to pretend I'm still living my college years and too old/mature to even want to relive those nights, but too young to have children and become more sophisticated and grown up. The thing is, I don't even know what older people do for fun. I have relied on the bars for so many years, that I have no clue what else to do.

I am really ready to move on to stage 2 of my life...full blown adult. I want to get married and start having kids immediately. I want to get a good job, make a lot of money, get a house...I want all of these things but they are just not happening. I am very happy with everything that I have, I feel blessed to have all that I do, but the feeling of standing still and not moving forward with my life is terribly frustrating.