I Feel Terrible...

Last night Andy and I went out and I neeeeded to start a fight. Actually I don't think I started it...I believe Andy made some comment how I complain "all the time" and that set me off. I just went off...ranting and raving about everything he does that pisses me off. I have been really frusterated lately about our work schedules...I feel like we don't see eachother nearly as much as I would like. Idealy I would like to be with someone who works a 9-5 job so we can spend evenings together, with Andy's job that won't happen for a long time. I just hate that we won't have the same work schedule anytime soon. I know there will be plently weekends when I'm lonely and wishing we could be out spending the evening together....it makes me sad, but I know in the long run Andy and I will be happy.

I love Andy with all of my heart. He is such an incredible person...funny, hardworking, honest, loving. I want him to be successful and get a job he loves, regardless of how much I'll get to see him. I know eventually once he has lots of experience he'll get a great job and he'll be incredibly happy, and I want to be there to celebrate that with him!! I can't continue to be selfish and constantly complain about how little we see eachother....I need to be grateful for the time we do have together and enjoy it...not start stupid fights and ruin a nice night!

I have to admit, I do get sad thinking about how different our schedules are, and I do worry that our lack of time together will result in us drifting apart and him eventually breaking up with me. I can't imagine what my life would be like without him. Granted I have have told him in the past I'd like him to leave, and suggested taking time apart...but I never once meant those things. I don't know why I say such mean things. Sometimes I think it is because I want him to appreciate me more and not take me for granted. Maybe it's because I want him to tell me how much he loves me and needs me and doesn't want to live without me. I really don't know. What I do know is that he is the greatest person I know and my life would be very empty and sad without him.

I hope Andy and I will continue to love eachother always...that would be my happily ever after.